I was always a pretty good student. I kept quiet and always submitted my work on time and in return, I got good grades. Teachers loved me because I was the quiet one. I didn’t ever have many friends, but the relationships I did make, I cherished.
When I got older, closer to the time where kids normally would be applying to college, I started to feel more out of place than usual. I found myself zoning out in class, feeling overwhelmed, and really sad about not knowing what I wanted to do in life. I felt like other kids had it figured out. They were playing sports, going to parties, filling out their college applications, etc..
That summer after graduating from my junior year, I decided I wanted to be home schooled. I figured that since I didn’t feel comfortable at school, maybe I would do better in a home school setting.
Through this school program, I did what I had to do. I did my work, I took my tests, and I began to get good grades again. At home, I flourished. I actually was taking in the information that I was reading.
By the end of the school year, my teachers were encouraging me to apply to colleges. I still didn’t feel like it was the right step for me. I had spent so much time in school and I felt it in my heart that I needed a break. At the time, I was engaging myself into hobbies. I was painting, playing the guitar, and writing poetry. These creative outlets that I had given myself made me feel SO free. It was such a meditative process for me to put on my headphones and paint for hours at a time, forgetting about the world around me. Every piece I completed felt like a milestone I had passed. I kept getting better and better.
Once I had graduated, my mom pushed me to go to community college. I was excited, but also nervous. I loved to learn on my own and at my own pace so I decided to do online classes. The first semester went well, and I again was getting good grades.
The second semester was different. I felt lost, even empty. I didn’t know why I was still taking history classes and I didn’t understand why I picked biology as my major, when creative outlets were my passion.
The end of the semester was coming soon, and for about two weeks, I hadn’t done much of my homework. I sat and reflected with myself and asked a lot of questions. Why am I doing this if it is making me THIS unhappy? Why can’t I just work towards doing things I love and things I have a roaring passion for?
So, I left my classes.
I started working on countless projects. I put myself full force into my painting, my poetry, and I even had a youtube channel going. I self-promoted myself on Instagram, Facebook, and every social media platform you can think of. So, why did I still have this weight on my chest?
It was the fear that weighed so heavy on me. I was working so hard on my personal projects but I feared others telling me I couldn’t do it. I feared telling my mom that I wasn’t ready for college. At the same time, my passions were giving me such freedom that I had never experienced before.
I would be on my third semester right now. I missed the deadline. I feel guilty for not being ready, but I know in my heart what I want to do. The thing I always remind myself is that hard work pays off.
So I keep working.
I keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone to do projects I never thought I would. With my Instagram accounts, Pinterest account, Facebook account, Youtube channel, blog, and e-commerce store, it has been a lot for me. Sometimes other projects get more attention than others. I am learning, I am growing, and I am very sure of myself when it comes to my success. I make it a point to stay true to myself and show nothing but sincerity when it comes to my personality online.
If you are someone who is feeling lost, alone, or like you don’t know what you want to do yet. Don’t feel pressured to jump into things you aren’t sure about. There will ALWAYS be people that tell you what is right and what is wrong. The only person who should be leading YOUR path is yourself.
If you have a passion, work for it! Perfect your craft. Show others that you can do what you love, and make a living from it. Work hard, and don’t play it safe. Push yourself to do things you never thought you could or would do. You have my full support.
As for college, if you feel uncomfortable or school makes you so sad that you wonder why you’re even here, maybe it isn’t for you. College isn’t for everyone. Plain and simple. One school system isn’t made for everyone, and I understand that. School is great, and knowledge is power, but if you need to take time to figure things out, that’s perfectly okay. You can always go back to school. Even if you don’t, work hard, and it will all pay off.
I felt really alone and scared in the process of putting myself out there on the web, and no matter what you do, there will always be hurdles to jump over. So if you are someone who is feeling the way I did, just know that you aren’t alone, and that you can accomplish any goals you set for yourself as long as you keep trying.
With love and positive energy,